The 100: Chapter Nine (Bad Touch)

I've been working on this post all day while recovering from a gigantic hangover, which actually worked out pretty well since that's the general mood that reading this book put me in. Like a foggy sort of "I drank way too much spiked Kool-Aid last night and the world no longer makes sense" mood. Just wanted to give you guys a heads up on that.

So okay, chapter nine is a Clarke one, and we open at dawn again, because all these chapters take place when something amazing is happening to the sky, and Clarke is...impressed? Sort of?

Clarke slipped through the flap of the designated infirmary tent and stepped into the clearing. Even without the luxury of windows, she sensed that it was dawn. The sky erupted with color, and the pungent air stimulated sensors in her brain Clarke had never realized existed.

So the smell makes you consciously aware of your "brain sensors"? I'm just...okay. Let's just...take a deep breath and leave that one alone, move on in this experience together.

So Clarke's parents are dead, and she's sad about that, and then Wells shows up, because God forbid he give her a little space, nope, dude's gotta be up in her face every waking second.

"Good morning."

Clarke stiffened. It was almost unfathomable that Wells's voice had once been her favorite sound in the universe. He was the reason her parents were dead, their bodies floating through the depths of space, moving farther and farther from everything they'd known and loved. In a moment of weakness, Clarke had confided a secret that wasn't hers to share. And even though he'd sworn not to tell a soul, Wells hadn't even waited twenty-four hours before skipping off to his father, so desperate to be the perfect son, Phoenix's golden child, that he betrayed the girl he'd pretended to love.

Clarke's assumptions about Wells' motives are interesting, here - we know that she's hardly the prime example of a typical Phoenix citizen (because she's not like other girls, remember), and that she harbors a lot of understandable resentment toward Jaha and the Council because of what went down with her parents. So it makes sense that she'd jump to the conclusion that this is why Wells blabbed - and that association she makes, that clearly he never loved her? Does that mean she thinks you can't really love somebody and also betray them at the same time? Which would also be interesting considering the situation with her parents, and how they lied to her about their radiation death camp, but I have a feeling this is just melodramatic writing.

So, yeah, whatever, we know how this goes already. Wells shows up and tries to help and Clarke gets angry and Wells is hurt and blah blah blah blah.

Wells didn't move. "I just wanted to make sure you were doing okay," he said quietly. "We're going to finish sorting through the wreckage today. Is there anything in particular you need for your patients?"

"Yes. A sterile operating room, IVs, a full-body scanner, real doctors..."

"You're doing an incredible job."

"I'd be doing even better if I'd spend the past six months training at the hospital instead of in Confinement." This time, Wells was braced for the barb, and his face remained impassive.

Then Morgan cuts in with another description, which I'm not going to quote because whatever. Her use of language in those sections is always rather impressive, but they always show up really randomly. Like one second we're talking, then the next, we're in a NatGeo nature documentary. 

But the important part is, that Clarke thinks it's pretty I guess, and then Wells makes my head explode:

Wells seemed to read her mind. "If you hadn't been Confined, you'd never have come here," he said quietly. 

FUCKING EXCUSE ME?

She whipped her head back to face him. "You think I should be grateful for what you did? I've seen kids die, kids who never wanted to come here but had to because some little shit like you turned them in just to feel important."

I mean, preach. I guess Wells had to make sure he reminded everyone what a prick he is. Christ.

So, okay, the actual point of this scene is that Wells finally apologizes, which is important. I'm assuming that this isn't the first time he's done it, or tried to, I guess, but since we haven't actually seen it yet, it needed to happen. So he's all like, sorry I got your parents killed babe, and I was just trying to help cuz you seemed sorta bummed about the radiation death camp thing, and Clarke is...less than impressed. 

The tenderness in his voice made Clarke's stomach twist. "They killed my parents," she said quietly, imagining the scene as she had so many times before. Her mother bracing for the prick of a needle, her body systematically shutting down until those final dreadful moments when only her brain was left. Had they been offered the customary last meal? Clarke's heart twinged as she imagined her father's lifeless body in a release capsule, his fingers stained red from the berries he'd eaten alone.

That is the...third time that somebody has said something "quietly" in the span of two pages, if anyone's keeping count. Also I feel like this passage would be a lot more heart wrenching if I wasn't distracted by how goddamn awkward it is. Like, honestly, just...so messy. It's physically paining me because I want to rewrite it for her so badly. I had to reread that bitch like three times because I couldn't understand where the fuck the berries had come from. 

But, seriously, good on Clarke for not budging, here. I've said it before and I probably will again, but hey, guess what?! She doesn't owe him her forgiveness just because his intentions were good! Her parents are dead and it's a direct result of Wells' betrayal! Just because he didn't actually do the killing himself doesn't mean he isn't culpable! She's got every right to not ever want to speak or see him ever again! 

People aren't machines, you don't put love in the coin slot and get a relationship! Your feelings are your own business! Just because you love them doesn't mean they're obligated to reciprocate! This is very basic shit!

So yeah. Their conversation gets interrupted by a bunch of birds, which is pretty again or whatever, and then Clarke gets a flashback, God I'm so hungover.

Clarke couldn't suppress a smile as she watched Wells shift from side to side outside her front door. He always got nervous about kissing her in public, but it had gotten worse since he'd started officer training. The idea of making out with his girlfriend while in uniform seemed to make him uncomfortable, which was unfortunate because the sight of him in his uniform made her want to kiss him more than usual. 

So, this multiple-POV thing works sometimes, and other times it doesn't, and this is one of the latter times, because we only ever hear certain things from certain people. Wells' flashbacks and inner monologue give us his perspective of his relationship with Clarke when it was happy, which makes sense because he's grieving its end so of course he's going to be heavily focused on the times when it was good. But we never hear much of the same from Clarke, which...I guess makes sense? Because she's so angry she doesn't want to remember? But from a narrative perspective it blows, because no matter who we're hearing it from, we're getting a highly biased, skewed version of the truth, and as a result I've got no understanding of who they are as a couple, or whether I should even be rooting for these two crazy kids to work it out or not. It's kind of maddening. 

It is very clever, to set the book up this way, and from a certain angle it works. They're all unreliable narrators, and Morgan does a decent job of reminding us of that. But you also have to be clever enough to make sure your reader comes away with an understanding of what the reality is, at the same time that they understand what the characters think is reality. I mean, I just finished Margaret Atwood's The Robber Bride, so maybe my expectations are a bit high, but come on, we don't even know what Clarke liked about this dude in the first place, other than the fact she thought he was hot. Which, you know. Duh.

i don't mean to be shallow or anything but damn

Like literally, this is the first flashback of Clarke's that involves Wells in any major way, and the only real squishy thoughts about him we get are physical ones - the "warmth" of his body, kissing, making out, etc. The impression I get is that she thought he was kinda cute, and liked banging him, but not much else. Also her characterization of how telling him the secret was a "moment of weakness" is pretty telling. This relationship just keeps getting sadder and sadder, basically.

The other thing about this flashback that strikes me is this:

"Wait," Wells said, glancing over his shoulder before grabbing hold of her arm.

Clarke sighed. "Wells," she started as she tried to wiggle out of his grasp. "I need to go."

That is the second time in this chapter that Wells has grabbed her arm, and Clarke has recoiled:

As she strode past him, Wells grabbed her arm. "Hold on a second, I just wanted to--"

Clarke spun around and wrenched herself free. "Don't touch me," she hissed.

That happens at the very beginning of their conversation. I mean, I'm not sure if it's intentional on Morgan's part (it has to be, right? She can't have done this accidentally? It's too obvious. But then again, she did use "quietly" a billion times in a row, sooo...) but it's a pretty clear statement, and a good characterization of Wells and Clarke's relationship: Wells holding on, and Clarke angrily telling him to stop fucking touching her. Kinda leaves a bad taste in your mouth, doesn't it. 

So then there's some (arguably) cute banter, and basically this flashback is really about how Clarke confronts her parents about the radiation death camp, and Wells is actually only there for the beginning. And there's this whopper of a sentence:

She stepped to the side and tilted her head so her eyes wouldn't betray her by sending distress signals from behind the lies.

I'm just gonna start quoting these little literary gems and just...leaving them here, in their raw, unprocessed form. Like evidence, for future generations. Yes, that sentence just happened. That sentence exists, in a published, popular book with its own television spin-off. Written by a professional editor. 

So Clarke goes in and tells her parents she knows what's up, and this chapter finally gets interesting, thank God.

"You're experimenting on people. On children." Saying it aloud made her stomach churn. Bile crept up her throat.

Her mother closed her eyes. "We didn't have a choice," she said softly. "We've spent years trying to test radiation levels in other ways--you know that. When we reported back to the Vice Chancellor there was no way to gather conclusive evidence without human studies, we thought he understood it was a dead end. But then he insisted that we..." Her voice cracked. Clarke didn't need her to finish the sentence. "We had no choice," she repeated desperately.

So, I think we all know what's coming next, but it doesn't make it any less horrifying, oh my God. Vice Chancellor Rhodes is a Bad Guy, and he threatened to kill Clarke unless her parents went evil scientist on some unregistered orphans. I don't even have words anymore for how fucked up this all is, plus I'm hungover, so the only thing in my head right now is just that gif of Joaquin Phoenix in Signs, when he sees the video of the alien on the news. 

I can understand why they wouldn't want to go there on the show, but oddly enough, this version of the story makes Clarke's parents come off better, which is weird since canon has such a hard on for Abby Griffin. Like, if they wanted us to root for her and all, wouldn't it make more sense to use something like this? Where it really wasn't her fault? And specifically where she didn't, you know, do what Wells did, only minus the good intentions?

*heavy sigh* Okay.

So then we cut to later, when Clarke's running around doing doctor stuff and oh my God! A scene with Thalia! Lady friendship! Previously, on Orange is the New Black: In Space!

"How are you feeling?"

The injured girl forced a smile that seemed to drain the energy from the rest of her body. "I'm just great," Thalia said, but then winced, the pain flashing in her eyes.

"You used to be a much better liar."

"I never lied." Her voice was hoarse but still full of mock indignation. "I just told the guard that I had a neck problem and needed an extra pillow."

"And then convinced him that black-market whiskey would keep you from singing in your 'sleep,'" Clarke added with a smile.

"Yeah...it's too bad Lise wasn't willing to play along."

"Or that you can't carry a tune to save your life."

"That's what made it so great!" Thalia protested. "The night guard would've done anything to shut me up at that point."

Oh my God, okay, so I would pay a billion imaginary dollars for a version of this book that's all about Thalia and Clarke's prison BFF shenanigans instead. This friendship is honestly such a breath of fresh air, right up to the point where Kass Morgan completely fucking ruins it by making it all about Wells "Bad Touch" Jaha again:

"Your lying skills are slipping as well. What's going on?" She managed to raise an eyebrow. "Is love making you soft?"

Clarke stiffened and snatched her hand back from Thalia's blanket. "Are your injuries making you delirious?" She glanced over her shoulder and was relieved to see Octavia absorbed in conversation with the Arcadian boy. "You know what he did to me." She paused as her stomach turned with revulsion. "What he did to my parents."

"Of course I know." Thalia looked at Clarke with a mixture of frustration and pity. "But I also know what he risked to come here." she smiled. "He loves you, Clarke. The kind of love most people spend their whole lives looking for."

Let's break this down. It's gross that the strongest, most positive relationship Clarke has is with her friend whose only purpose is to be sick and (spoiler alert, but honestly, you know you see this coming) die and pressure Clarke into forgiving her ex-boyfriend. The ex-boyfriend who gravely injured her family and that she's stated multiple times she wants nothing to do with anymore, by the way. It's gross that every conversation they have ends up being about Wells. It's gross that I have to point this out at all because this is incredibly basic shit that we should be way past by now. It's 2014, for fuck's sake. Your book should pass the fucking Bechdel test.

And by the way? "Frustration and pity" is not the correct way to respond when your best friend talks about the dude who betrayed her and got her parents killed. Fuck love, if that's what love is.

Clarke sighed. "Well, I hope, for your sake, that you never find it."

I mean, THANK YOU. I'm really not into whatever weird thing is happening here, where all of Clarke's friends tell her what she should want and then completely ignore her when she's all like "fuck that, no." That's not on at all, and it's especially creepy because Thalia's advice to Clarke has the weight of authorial opinion behind it. This is Kass Morgan telling her readers what Clarke should be doing. And it's fucking gross.

Other stuff: there's a bit in the middle where Octavia mentions that she saw Wells come in looking for Clarke, and calls him a "supernova," which I'm assuming is space slang for hot and the kind of cool detail that's sorely missing from the show. Clarke also expresses disbelief that Octavia even knows who Wells is, implying that he's actually not some kind of Colony celebrity, which makes no sense since Graham and Bellamy knew who Wells was upon sight, so whatever, I give up. 

Also, Octavia flirts with a dude from Arcadia. She does this often, only in the book it's cute because she's fourteen years old and it's all just playful and innocent, and on the show it's creepy because they oversexualize the fuck out of her unnecessarily. And my head is pounding. Unrelated to the book, it's my hangover, but that's my excuse for ending this so gracelessly. Sorry, I guess, but time for aspirin and a nap. 

The 100: Chapter Eight (no_shit.jpg)

Did you guys know that there's a bunch of preserved bodies of dead hikers just hangin' out on Mount Everest, and people use them as landmarks? There's one called Green Boots that's apparently like, super useful. This has nothing to do with anything, I just read about it and it's been blowing my mind all day and it's way more interesting than anything that happens in this chapter.

But it's a Glass chapter but that's to be expected. Zing, heavy sigh, etc., okay let's get to it.

So if y'all remember, and I know it's difficult, but we last left Glass in Good Guy Guard's (Luke's) apartment (flat) hiding from the space fuzz, and that's where we pick up again, with this zinger of an opening line:

Glass spent the rest of the night on Luke's couch, grateful that Camille didn't ask why she refused to sleep in Carter's old room. 

I mean, that's foreshadowing, just so you know. Carter is Luke's creepy roommate and I feel a little ill about this already, but I'll spare you the gory details until we get there because it's really fucking messed up.

So they've let Glass crash, because who wouldn't, when your convict ex-girlfriend who dumped you mercilessly without explanation shows up in the middle of the night being chased by the authorities, and Glass takes the opportunity to angst about it all, which I don't actually blame her for. I'd probably be a real downer, too.

She'd tossed and turned all night. Every time she rolled over, the bracelet dug into her skin, a painful reminder that while she was in danger, Wells was hundreds of kilometers away, fighting to survive on a planet that hadn't been able to support life for centuries. It'd always been his dream to see Earth, but not like this. Not when it might still be toxic. Not after seeing his father shot right in front of him.

Do you think Glass would still feel so bad if she knew Wells was mostly okay enough to be doing the same angsting over his ex that she's doing up here? Well, probably. Because it wasn't supposed to be like this! 

I shouldn't make fun of them for that because they're kids living in horrible conditions, so of course they made up idyllic fantasies in their head and now they're crushed that they're not coming true. But I can't help it, okay, it's just such an easy target.

So Glass tosses and turns and tortures herself by trying to listen for Luke and Camille making out in the bedroom:

The faintest murmur from the other side of Luke's door was enough to turn her stomach. The silence was even worse.

And speaking as a single lady currently living with the most obnoxious couple to have ever found each other on this God's green earth, that is such bullshit. How is silence worse? That means they're sleeping. You know what's the worst? Having to lay on that couch and listen to your ex having an orgasm while his new girlfriend yells "harder yeah, like that, give it to me, you sexy man stallion!" That's the worst. 

Yeah, so whatever, the silence bugs her, and it bugs her even more the next morning when Camille comes out of the bedroom half naked and wearing one of Luke's shirts, because we must establish that Camille is possessive and jealous. 

Then Luke's all "good morning," and Glass is like oh my God he sounds so formal he hates me my life is a horrible nightmare, and they decide to get the bracelet off of her, at which point Camille finally decides to speak up and be like "yo, are you sure this whole harboring a fugitive thing is a good idea when our government has a no-tolerance kill-everyone-for-everything policy? Just saying."

Luke's expression darkened. "We talked about this." He spoke quietly, but Glass heard the note of frustration in his voice. "If we don't help her, they're going to kill her. It's the right thing to do."

The right thing to do, Glass thought. That was all she meant to him anymore, a life he didn't want on his conscience.

Gag me with a spoon, I'm so sick of these mushy boy feelings already and we're not even halfway through the novel yet.

So Camille is like, "fine asshole, whatever," because I guess this all makes sense, sort of, and gives Glass some clothes that she apparently pulls out of thin fucking air because there's absolutely no mention of her, like, moving or doing anything to retrieve them.

Camille sighed and tossed Glass a shirt and a pair of pants. "Here," she said. "I know it's not up to your Phoenix standards, but you'll look a bit more believable in this. You aren't going to pass for a sanitation worker with that hair."

WHAT HAIR. WHAT HAIR? WHAT DOES GLASS' HAIR LOOK LIKE? WHAT DOES ANYONE LOOK LIKE? BECAUSE IN MY HEAD THEY ALL LOOK LIKE THE GREENDALE HUMAN BEING.

hi my name is glass and i have the best boyfriend in the world!!! #lukeglass #lass #shippername #blessed #nofilter

Also when was the sanitation worker disguise plan thing worked out? Did I miss that? I might've been asleep, that's always possible. 

Okay so there's that required awkward/"cute" moment where Glass is standing there like "should I get naked right here, or..." and Luke blushes and leaves because omg he still loves her, and then finally something interesting:

"It's your hair. Girls don't wear it that long here."

"Why?" she asked, realizing with a small measure of guilt that she'd never even noticed.

Luke had turned and began rummaging through a small storage bin against the wall. "Probably because it'd be too hard to take care of. We don't get the same water allotment on Walden that you do on Phoenix."

So what this tells me: again, Phoenix people are really, really scary in their blissful ignorance of the world around them (so...like privileged people in general, actually) and also: OCTAVIA PROBABLY HAS SHORT HAIR. Now I'm picturing her with a super hot pixie cut and I'm sort of flustered. 

So like, he gives her a hat and then he brushes her hair back and they have a Moment uggGGHHH I'M SO BORRRRRED you know what I'm just gonna skip all this shit, long story short, he takes her to some abandoned workshop because apparently they have SO MUCH SPACE on this Colony that there's just empty rooms to hide in fucking everywhere, and here's something interesting, finally:

"One of the old workshops. This is where they used to repair the Earthmade equipment, before it was all replaced. I came here for some of my training."

Glass started to ask why the guards would train here, but bit back the question. She always forgot that Luke had already started his mechanical apprenticeship when he was accepted into the engineering corps of the guards. He rarely spoke about that part of his life. Looking back, Glass was ashamed that she hadn't tried harder to learn about Luke's world; it was no wonder he'd turned to Camille.

Soo, I know this is Morgan's method of trying to smooth in exposition, but she keeps constantly doing it by having Glass be like "oh yeah, I forgot about that," and as a result makes this character come off as a total space cadet. It's not exactly flattering. 

So the guards have multiple "corps," with different skill sets? This is starting to be a little Harry Potter-esque, in that there are only so many careers you can go into. Pick your character! Are you a Farmer or a Guard? 

Okay so then Luke decides that we're going to cut off Glass' bracelet with a laser cutter oh my fucking god that sounds so dangerous and I am horrified, and so is Glass, obviously, because thEY ARE HELD IN WITH TINY NEEDLES DID WE FORGET ABOUT THAT.

Luke gave Glass a look that was equal parts amusement and irritation. "No arguing. The sooner we get that thing off of you, the better your chances of hiding."

"Can't we just figure out a way to unlock it?"

Luke shook his head. "It has to be cut off."

Jesus fucking Christ, I know nothing gets me hotter than when a man demands that I let him use a powerful cutting tool to cut off a creepy handcuff embedded in my skin and then condescendingly laughs at my logical self-preservation instinct to, you know, not let him do that. Especially when I know he's pissed off at me for personal reasons. I'd feel really safe there.

So whatever, he cuts it off and it takes like, a page and a half and it's so boring, oh my God I don't care about any of this. Then Glass thinks some more about how sad she is they're broken up. Why not.

In the past, Luke would've reached over, taken her chin in his hand, and looked her in the eye until she giggled. You're a terrible liar, Rapunzel, he'd say, a reference to the fairytale about the girl whose hair grew a foot anytime she fibbed.

Wait, what? What version of Rapunzel are you taking this from, because I have literally never heard that before? 

In every version of Rapunzel that I'm familiar with, there's no mention whatsoever for any particular reason why Rapunzel's hair is so long - it just simply is. Most people trace the story back to a book written by a French aristocrat named Charlotte-Rose de Caumont de La Force, who in addition to having a really fucking long name was a fucking bad ass novelist and you should look her up when you have a chance, because she was rad. The Grimm brothers adapted their version of Rapunzel from her novel Persinette, and once your fairy tale makes it into the Grimms then you've, like, made it, so the rest is history, so they say. But yeah, I can't remember or find, from my super intense Googling that I just did, any version of Rapunzel that involves her hair growing every time she lies, so I'm thinking this is a Kass Morgan Attempt at indicating future space culture, and how a popular fairy tale (which is two words, by the way) would have adapted and changed over time. So like, a mash up between Rapunzel and Pinocchio.

BUT OKAY HERE'S THE THING. THAT'S FUCKING DUMB. Because this is the future. They have movies in the future. We know they have books. So, like, I don't know, don't you think it's a little weird that the story would have taken this nonsensical direction in the cultural mindset, when a better idea would have been to hint at that incredibly popular Disney film that adapted the tale with a magical element? So instead of some out of left field thing about lying, maybe something about how she has healing powers through her hair? Or her dashing prince true love who's actually just a thief in disguise? Something that indicates that this book is taking place in the real world, and not some weird space vacuum with no connection whatsoever to reality?

Like, I just find it hard to believe that when these people's ancestors were escaping Earth and gathering up all these Louvre paintings and bird skeletons and priceless first editions of Hemingway novels to preserve their highly treasured Earth culture, that nobody threw their Disney DVD collection into the mix. Like, come the fuck on. Disney fans are obsessive, okay, there is no way that the affects those movies had on our culture would just disappear completely. 

It's not a big deal. This is a relatively small detail that means nothing in the long run, but it's a prime example of one of the novel's bigger problems: it's got nothing for us to relate to, nothing to anchor it in the real world, to make us think about how all of this might be in our own future. That's a very, very important element in all dystopias: it needs to feel possible, and this is the kind of detail that makes this story feel so removed, blank. Sterile. 

But yeah, that's not actually what this chapter is about, so I'm gonna take a deep breath and just, yeah, move on. Back to their weird conversation.

"So how have you been?" she asked finally, when she couldn't bear the weight of the silence any longer.

Just so you guys know - they're still on the run from the guards, and Glass is still a fugitive. They're just, like, walking around, here. Having this conversation. Yup.

Luke glanced over his shoulder and raised an eyebrow. "Oh, you know, apart from being dumped by the girl I loved and then having my best friend executed for a bullshit infraction, I'd say not too bad."

I...don't even know what to do with that paragraph, honestly.

"But at least I had Camille..."

Glass nodded, but as she stole a glance at Luke's familiar profile, shards of indignation gathered, sharp and dangerous, in her mind. What did he thinks he had done to be Confined? Why wasn't he more curious or surprised? Did he think she was such a terrible person that she would have committed an infraction?

Hello, Glass' spine! Welcome back. Your boyfriend's kind of a dickbag, you should probably just let that one slip away, tbh. If you ask me.

So yeah then they talk more, and Glass mentions that her mother doesn't know she was supposed to go to Earth, because this whole thing is horrifying, don't forget, and we find out that Luke was orphaned at twelve and grew up with Carter instead, who used to be his neighbor? And he was 18 at the time, so he just, like, adopted Luke? This is so creepy. It'll get even creepier later, oh my God. 

Then Luke drops her off at the Phoenix "checkpoint," which I guess is the spot where Phoenix turns into Walden, even though we've never seen that word before so we don't know what it means and lol who needs to explain these things, and then Luke's a dickbag again:

"I'll be okay."

Luke's jaw tightened and he gave her a bitter smile. "You're an escaped convict, and I'm still not good enough to meet your mother."

Ugh, fuck this guy. I don't even care. They almost kiss but they don't. He leaves and she's sad. Fuck this guy.

Then we get to the scene which should've been the actual focus of the chapter: reuniting with her mom! Whose name is Sonja! She's the only parent special enough to get a name, by the way. I'm still not sure why. 

So they reunite, and it's actually really nice, and way better than like, any of the Luke shit, and Morgan even writes it interestingly:

Glass grabbed her mother's clammy hand and led her to the couch. "They were going to send us to Earth," Glass told her. "A hundred of us." She took a deep breath. "I was supposed to be one of them."

"Earth?" Sonja repeated slowly, holding the word almost at a distance, as if trying to get a better look. "Oh my god."

THAT. Is a really good way of describing someone repeating something in horrified shock. It's the gems that you have look for, in this book, because when they show up they're actually really cool. 

So, God, this is really sad, because Glass is pretty much resigned to the fact that she's gonna get murdered soon, so she's pretty much here just to see her mom one last time to say goodbye. And I'm finally invested in this story, because Glass is about to get up and leave again, and here I'm thinking, aw shit, this is gonna be cool actually, because her chapters are gonna be about her hiding out on the Colony, right? Fugitive shenanigans? Maybe she tries to do some guerrilla-style attack on the Council, to try and help Wells and the rest of the 100? Fuck yeah, space John McClane, bring it ON - 

"Wait!" Sonja jumped up and clutched Glass's arm, pulling her back to the couch. Her fingers tightened around her wrist. "The Chancellor is on life support, which means that Vice Chancellor Rhodes is in charge. You shouldn't go yet." She paused. "He has a very different approach to . . . governing. There's a chance that he'll pardon you. He can be convinced." Sonja stood and gave Glass a smile that did little to illuminate her glistening eyes. "Just wait here."

Or...we could just throw in an easy plot device to nip any chance of this storyline being interesting in the bud two fucking seconds in. Either way. Whatever.

Also, I have no idea how "glistening" eyes can be illuminated any more than they already are, seeing as how they're glistening already, those are two adjectives that I'm having a really hard time combining together in a sentence about eyes. Like, keep your eye-adjectives to a minimum, okay. Just as general advice. There's not a whole lot you can say about them, realistically, other than "they're this color" and "they look at stuff." Oh, but you can see emotions - really? Can you really? Or maybe it's, idk, somebody's facial expression that conveys emotion? I'm getting off track, but I feel this needs to be said. 

So yeah, idk, Glass goes to sleep again - that's two naps total, in this chapter, for those folks keeping count - and when she wakes up her mom's back and she's all like "surprise! You've been pardoned! It was super easy lol, now you're free to waste your entire plot on your dickbag guard ex-boyfriend." 

"People are growing restless," her mother explained. "None of the convicted juveniles have made it past their retrials in the last year, and it makes the justice system look anything but just."

*no_shit.jpg*

"You're going to be the exception - the proof that the system's still working how it's supposed to, that those who can contribute to society are given the chance to return to it. It took a little convincing, but eventually Vice Chancellor Rhodes saw my side of things," her mother finished, sinking back into the couch, looking exhausted but relieved.

So, there was a mention of Sonja fixing her hair and checking her makeup before she left, which I think is where we get that like, weird, uncomfortable implication that Aurora does ~things~ with guards in exchange for heads up emails about room inspections or whatever on the show. Like I might be reading too into it, but I'm just automatically wary every time a woman "convinces" a man to do something off-screen, it's just a knee-jerk reaction on my part. Because god forbid we actually explicitly show prostitution on screen, that would require facing up to it and dealing with the issue honestly! We'd much rather just insinuate so we can feel vaguely disapproving and uncomfortable without actually talking about it. All the judgment, none of the maturity.

Then Sonja ends this mess by telling her to keep her trap shut about Earth, because, you know. Oppressive government.

Sonja shook her head. "As far as you're concerned, there was no mission. What's important is that you're safe now. You have a second chance," her mother murmured. "Just promise me you won't do anything foolish."

"I promise," Glass said finally, shaking her head in disbelief. "I promise."

By "foolish" I have a feeling that she means "dickbag ex-boyfriend." Just a hunch. I'm also not even going to touch the awkward as fuck dialogue tags here, because it's midnight and I'm tired. I'm so, so tired.

The 100: Chapter Seven (Almost Murderer Rebel Child)

Okay, so hallelujah, we've finally gotten to the chapter where Bellamy and Clarke talk to each other. Because lbr, that's why we're all really here, right? This is a safe space, you can be honest.

It's a Bellamy chapter, and therefore automatically way, way less painful. I'd even go so far as to say "it's good." Also we start off with this:

Bellamy squinted up at the sunrise. He'd always assumed those ancient poets had been full of shit, or at last had much better drugs than he'd ever tried.

Oh god bless this child, I love him so.

Also if you hadn't caught that little HINT there, he's watching the SUNRISE not the SUNSET which means TIME HAS PASSED, isn't that CLEVER? It was pretty subtle so I wanted to make sure y'all caught that.

So Bellamy's watching the sunrise and reluctantly thinking about how it's maybe a little pretty, whatever, don't make a big deal out of it, and Octavia's sleeping, and Bellamy thinks about the blanket he knocked some kid out for her because he's scary protective, and OH MY GOD THEN HE MENTIONS CLARKE SHIT'S ABOUT TO GET REAL YOU GUYS

He looked around the clearing. After that Clarke girl had finished evaluating Octavia and determined she only had a sprained ankle, Bellamy had carried her over toward the trees where they'd spent the night. They were going to keep their distance until he figured out how many of these kids were real criminals and how many had just been in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Oh, "that Clarke girl," sure. He sounds like an eighth-grader trying to casually ask the kid in English class if he hangs out with his secret crush and if so do you think she'd say yes if I asked her to  Spring Formal? "Oh yeah, that Clarke girl. You know the one with the blonde hair, blue, maybe green eyes? Haha, idk, I wasn't paying attention or anything."

Also, notice the difference here between Wells' approach and Bellamy's? Bellamy acknowledges that there's a possibility that some of these kids are dangerous, but somehow manages to do it without making broad, shitty assumptions based on ingrained prejudice. Weird, huh.

So then he thinks some more about how it's his fault Octavia is on Earth, because everything is always everybody's fault, like wow, Bellamy, how dare you not have psychic "bad things are about to happen" superpowers. 

He should've known she'd been planning something; she'd been talking for weeks about how hungry some of the children in her unit had been. It had been only a matter of time before she did something to feed them--even if it meant stealing. His selfless little sister was sentenced to die for having too big of a heart.

It was his job to protect her. And for the first time in her life, he'd failed.

So, yeah, if you didn't already know that Bellamy has some serious issues, those two paragraphs maybe give you a little clue. But oh, my friends. My dear, dear friends, it gets so much worse. You have no idea. 

Flashback time! That was one of Morgan's better transitions, actually. Which is sort of sad in context, but anyway, now we're on the Colony, where tiny!Bellamy is about to make us all LOVE HIM EVEN MORE OH MY GOD HOW IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE.

Bellamy threw his shoulders back and raised his chin. He was tall for a six-year-old, but that didn't stop people from staring as he made his way through the crowd at the distribution center. It wasn't against the rules for children to come on their own, but it was rare. He went over the list his mother had made him repeat back to her three times before she'd let him leave their flat. Fiber meal--two credits. Glucose packets--one credit. Dehydrated grain--two credits. Tuber flakes--one credit. Protein loaf--three credits.

He darted around two women who'd stopped to grumble in front of some white things that looked like brains. Bellamy rolled his eyes and kept moving. Who cared that Phoenix got all the good stuff from the solar fields? Anyone who wanted to eat vegetables probably had little, mushy white brains themselves.

I hyperventilated a little when I first read that so I'll give you a moment to process SIX YEAR OLD BELLAMY BLAKE. Jesus fucking Christ.

So, two big things in this passage: ECONOMY and AGRICULTURE. Like, economy, of course, obviously they'd need some kind of monetary system, and it's no surprise that Morgan falls back on some sci-fi staples here: "credits," and lol, "tubers," which after years of sci-fi I still picture as the play-doh food from Farscape, even though it's really just a weird-sounding way of saying "potatoes and other potato-adjacent vegetables." 

But "solar fields" ??????????? The Colony has farming? Seriously? Where?! How?! What?! This is so interesting tell me more about that!! Why do I care about any of these people's lives when you could be explaining this super cool self-sustaining fucked up dystopian society in space???!?!?!?

Also, can I just say that I really appreciate that Morgan doesn't do that annoying thing some authors do when writing from the perspective of children, where they assume because somebody is young means they're stupid? I really appreciate that. I know it's more because she's not a very flexible writer than any deliberate consideration, but still. That just annoys me so much.

Bellamy cupped his hands under the fiber dispenser, caught the packet that slid out, and tucked it under his arm. He started to make his way over to the tuber section when something bright and shiny caught his eye. Bellamy turned and saw a pile of red, round fruit inside a display case. Normally, he didn't care about the expensive things they locked away--twisted carrots that reminded Bellamy of orange witch fingers, and ugly mushrooms that looked more like brain-sucking black-hole zombies than food.

Uh, so what do carrots look like normally? And what the fuck is a "brain-sucking black-hole zombie"? Is that supposed to be a hint on how urban legends would change in a culture that exists in space, and kids tell stories about space zombies that live in black holes and suck out brains? I mean, I think that's what that means? But, um, why do they look like mushrooms? 

But these were different. The fruit was a rosy pink, the same color that his neighbor Rilla turned when they played alien invasion in the corridor. Or used to play before Rilla's father was taken away by the guards and Rilla was sent to live in the care center.

Oh my God, I was like, charmed and melty with cuteness, and now I'm horrified. I'm melty/horrified.

Bellamy stood on his tiptoes to read the number on the data panel. Eleven credits. That sounded like a lot, but he wanted to do something nice for his mother. She hadn't gotten out of bed for three days. Bellamy couldn't imagine being that tired.

"Do you want one?" an irritated voice asked. He looked up and saw a woman in a green uniform glaring at him. "Order it or step aside."

Wow, lady. The fuck is your damage, he's six. Everybody on the Colony just seems like they're constantly having the worst days of their entire lives, which...oh my God, okay, they totally are. Never mind.

Heat rose to Bellamy's cheeks, and for a moment, he considered running away. But then a surge of indignation washed over his embarrassment. He wasn't going to let some sour-faced distribution worker stop him from getting his mother the treat she deserved. "I'll take two," he said in the haughty voice that always made his mother roll her eyes and ask, I wonder who you got that from? "And don't rub your fingers all over them," he added pointedly.

First: oh my God what a shit I love him so much, and second: is that "I wonder where you got that from" line supposed to be a subtle hint about Bellamy and Octavia's father? I feel like that's a subtle "Luke, he's your father" hint. 

The woman raised her eyebrow before glancing at the guards behind the transaction table. No one on Walden liked the guards, but his mother seemed particularly afraid of them. Lately, she'd grab Bellamy's hand and turn in the other direction whenever she saw a patrol team approaching. Could she have done something wrong? Were the guards going to come take her away like they'd taken Rilla's father? No, he told himself. I won't let them.

Okay, so clearly Aurora is pregnant and this is actually really heartbreaking, if the entire book was told from the perspective of tiny, indignant, angry and protective Bellamy Blake, I would turn into a sobbing pile of uselessness and never leave my room ever ever again. I mean, actually, why isn't there a book out there entirely from the perspective of a child living in an oppressive society? I mean, there probably is, I just haven't read it yet.

Or, like, maybe it doesn't exist because you can just walk up to any random child in America and listen to them talk for a while. Ha ha. Ha. 

So Bellamy gets his rebellion apples and then books it the fuck outta there, running all the way home like the cutie patootie freedom fighter he is, where there's another hint about the pregnancy, because the lights are broken and Aurora hates putting in maintenance requests. Then he finds her out of bed, standing in front of the window and probably freaking the hell out because what the fuck is she actually going to do oh my god my heart is already shriveling up into miserable dust about this.

His mother inhaled sharply but didn't turn around. "Bellamy," she said, as though he were a neighbor dropping by for an unexpected visit. "You're back. Leave the food on the table and go to your room. I'll be right there."

Disappointment pressed down on him, weighing his feet to the floor. He wanted to see the look on his mother's face when she saw the fruit. "Look!" he urged, stretching his arms forward, unsure what she could see in the reflection of the dark, dusty window. 

She twisted her head to look at him over her shoulder. "What are those?" She narrowed her eyes. "Apples?" She pressed her lips together and rubbed the side of her head like she used to do when she came home from work. Before she got sick. "How much did they--never mind. Just go to your room, okay?"

Bellamy's palms had begun to sweat as he placed the packets on the table near the door. Had he done something wrong? The lights flickered and then went out. "Damn it," his mother muttered as she looked up at the ceiling. "Bellamy, now," she commanded. Or at least, he thought it was his mother. She was facing away from him again, and her voice swirled through the darkness until it didn't sound like her anymore.

Oh my God, this is horrible and I want to punch myself in the face. I have been Bellamy. I have literally been Bellamy, trying really hard to cheer up my mother and then feeling bereft and guilty and completely lost when it doesn't work, because when you're a kid you don't know what depression is and you don't know that it isn't your fault. I have also been Aurora, unable to pull myself up out of the ditch I've fallen into, even for a child that I love dearly (like, not mine, my brother and sister), and taking it out on them a little because you can't help it, and then feeling like shit afterwards and the whole thing is just an ugly, sad spiral. 

This is the best part of this book, hands down. I don't think I'm spoiling anyone when I say that this story doesn't end happily, and the Aurora flashbacks are fucking terrible with how sad and tragic they are. I've given Kass Morgan a lot of shit, and will continue to do so, but I've got nothing bad to say about this part of the novel. She is fucking on point.

So yeah, that happens, and as Bellamy is going off to his room, he notices that her stomach is really big, because she's pregnant, of course, and then we're back to the present. For Bellarke stuff. Because this chapter is a balm to my soul.

Clarke asks him how Octavia's doing, and Bellamy's like, "she's okay," because lol she sprained her ankle and now she's sleeping, it's not all that complicated, and then we get this amazing piece of amazingness that I've seen on at least two gifsets so far:

"Good." She raised as lightly singed eyebrow. "Because it'd be a shame if you followed through on your threat from last night."

"What did I say?"

"you told me that if I didn't save your sister, you'd blow up the goddamn planet and everyone on it."

Bellamy smiled. "Good thing it's only a sprained ankle."

What a coupla jerks. I just love them.

He cocked his head to the side and surveyed Clarke quizzically. The skin under her eyes was bruised with exhaustion, but the purple shadows just made them look greener. He felt a twinge of guilt for being such a jerk to her the night before. He'd pegged her as another self-absorbed Phoenix girl who was training as a doctor because it gave her something to brag about at parties. But the strain in her delicate face and the blood matted in her reddish-gold hair made it clear she hadn't stopped to rest since they'd landed.

I mean, I dig this because Bellamy is clearly a giant marshmallow underneath his snappy, defensive exterior. Like, I knew that already, but it's just nice to get it confirmed, you know.

you know who else was prickly and defensive before being won over by the rebel with a heart of gold??? mmhmmmmm

Also, it's nice to finally get a physical description of somebody, for fuck's sake, this is literally the first mention we get of what Clarke looks like. Or anybody looks like. I'm pretty sure the only other detail we know at this point is that Bellamy is tall. 

But yeah anyway, book!Clarke is a redhead with green eyes. If I hadn't already cast 50s-era Paul Newman in the role, I'd totally go for a Lucy Ricardo vibe here.

So Bellamy asks her about the beef she has with Wells, and Clarke is like "dude, don't be nosy," and Bellamy proceeds to pull off the most awkward, over the top, dorky flirting in the history of teenagers:

"Is he your boyfriend?" Bellamy pressed.

"No," Clarke said flatly. But then her mouth twitched into a questioning smile. "Why do you care?"

"Just taking a census," Bellamy replied. "Specifically, to determine the relationship status of all the pretty girls on Earth."

Oh my God, what a geekazoid. He is literally that nerdy guy at the bar who walks up and gives you a pickup line out of one of those joke books, winking like it's supposed to be ironic but you know he secretly sort of hopes it's gonna work. 

So Clarke sidesteps that like a pro and changes the subject to how she's worried about Octavia, which is utter brilliance. Like, we all wish we could move past awkward flirting that smoothly.

Clarke rolled her eyes, but then she turned back to Octavia and the playfulness drained from her face.

"What is it?" Bellamy looked from Clarke to his sister.

"Nothing," Clarke said quickly. "I just wish I had some antiseptic for that cut on her face. And some of the others are going to need antibiotics."

If she didn't do that shit on purpose, I'll eat my own shoe, oh my God. "Oh nothing," she says casually, "just, your sister might die, possibly. But we can go back to flirting if you want." Seriously.

So Bellamy is rightfully a little alarmed at the news that they have no medicine, and Clarke maybe realizes she went a little far and tries to backtrack, being all "oh, but humans are really tough or whatever, I'm sure we'll be just fine praying to the Moon Goddess to heal our wounds, lol," and then she stares at Bellamy's bloodstained uniform, probably because Bellamy in bloodstained clothing is really fucking hot. Or it reminded her that he almost-murdered somebody, whichever.

Bellamy grimaced as he glanced down, wondering if she was thinking about the Chancellor. Bellamy hoped he'd survived--he had enough blood on his hands already. But it probably didn't matter one way or another. Whoever the Council sent down with the next group would most certainly be authorized to execute Bellamy on the spot, regardless of the fact that the Chancellor's injury had been an accident. As soon as Octavia was well enough to move, she and Bellamy would be out of there. They'd hike for a few days, put some distance between themselves and the group, and eventually find somewhere to settle down. He hadn't spent months poring over those ancient survival guides he'd discovered on B deck for nothing. He'd be ready for whatever was waiting for them in those woods. It couldn't be worse than what was going to come hurtling down from the sky.

Couple things. Number one: have I mentioned how I want to curl into the fetal position every time Bellamy casually thinks about how they're going to kill him? Because I want to curl into the fetal position every time Bellamy casually thinks about how they're going to kill him. Number two: Bellamy's grand plan is literally to build he and Octavia a rustic cabin in the woods and live off the land for the rest of forever. This simultaneously the most naive and wonderfully amazing thing ever. Also, my dream ending for this series - book and show. Bellamy, Octavia and Clarke in a rustic cabin, the end. Raven's there too. And they all have really good sex and nothing bad ever happens, shut up.

So then Clarke tells Bellamy that it'll be a few days before Octavia can walk on it, while Bellamy stares goofily at her thinking about how pretty her smile is. Then Clarke gets called away by someone and vanishes. Like a ghost.

But before he had time to respond, someone called Clarke's name and she was gone.

Literally like a ghost. I wasn't kidding.

So then there's this paragraph, which I'm going to quote because it's really cool.

Bellamy took a deep breath. To his surprise, the simple act cleared his head, leaving him more awake and alert. It'd probably turn out to be toxic, but every time he inhaled, he sensed something unnameable but intriguing, like a mysterious girl who wouldn't meet your eyes but passed closely enough for you to catch a whiff of her perfume.

That is...not the weirdest metaphor I've ever read, but okay, obviously Bellamy is the type of guy who compares everything to either drugs or romanticized fantasies about women straight out of dime store mystery novels. What a fucking dork, I love it.

Then he mentions super casually that Wells had said they had landed on the East coast of the former United States, because that's not a conversation that we would've liked to see actually happen or anything. 

I'm still really confused as to why we're supposed to buy that there's all this untamed wilderness on post-apocalyptic Earth, like...wreckage? Evidence of industrialization? Debris? Cities? Hello? Adventure Time does a better job of portraying a realistic vision of post-nuclear war Earth than either versions of this dumb story, and that's really quite sad, considering one of the main characters is an immortal, sentient piece of bubblegum. Like, just think about that, for a second.

there's also vampires and a talking dog and way better feminism.

So then, a girl with a narrow face and stringy hair shows up, because you either get a name or a introductory, physical description in this book. One or the other. This isn't Hannah Montana, you don't get the best of both worlds.

"Wells says everyone who's not hurt should collect wood."

A thread of irritation coiled around Bellamy's stomach and he gave the girl a tight smile. "I don't think Wells is in any position to be giving orders, so if it's all right with you, I'm going to worry about myself, okay?" She shifted uneasily for a moment before shooting a nervous glance over her shoulder. "Off you go," Bellamy said, motioning her forward with his hands.

He's being awfully polite for a rebellious almost murderer rebel child. It's almost like he's SECRETLY A GIANT MARSHMALLOW. 

He craned his neck and stared up at the sky, his eyes drinking in nothing but emptiness in all directions. It didn't matter where they were. Any spot on this planet was going to be infinitely better than the world they'd left behind.

For the first time in his life, he was free.

*lies down* Okay. That's a hell of a sentence to end on, I've got nothing at all poignant to say other than "the Colony's so fucked up, man, so fucked up" and "let's hold hands and talk about Bellamy's feelings." But I do that all the time anyway, so what's the point. 

The 100: Chapter Six (Less of a Wells Fan)

So, this is a meaty chapter. Mostly because we finally get to see Wells' personality, and to nobody's surprise whatsoever, guess what, he's kind of a prick. 

Actually everybody in this book is kind of a prick, which would be cool if I thought it was at all intentional, but I have the creeping feeling that I'm actually supposed to sympathize and agree with these people, and there's only so many lines I'm willing to cross, okay.

So we start out on the ground, when Wells is looking around and thinking about how bummed out he is about Clarke. Get used to this, because it happens fucking a lot.

Every night he'd spent in Confinement, he'd fallen asleep dreaming about arriving on Earth with Clarke. But instead of holding her hand while they gazed at the planet in wonder, he'd spent the day sorting through burned supplies and trying to forget the expression that crossed Clarke's face when she spotted him. He hadn't expected her to throw her arms around him, but nothing could've prepared him for the look of pure loathing in her eyes.

"Gee, I wasn't expecting a parade or anything, but the hatred is a bit overkill. It's not like I'm responsible for the deaths of her entire family or anyth - oh. Wait."

So this isn't a spoiler or anything, because there's no big reveal coming up that sheds any more light on what went down than what we already know: Clarke's parents were executed for their creepy radiation death camp, and Wells was the one who turned them in. I'm going to say this in capital letters so there can be no confusion: IT DOES NOT MATTER WHAT HIS INTENTIONS WERE. HE TURNED IN HER PARENTS, WHICH LED DIRECTLY TO THEIR DEATHS. SHE IS ALLOWED TO HATE HIM FOR THIS. 

I know y'all probably agree with me on this point but it just makes me feel better to say it. 

Okay, so boo hoo, Clarke hates him, so sad, Wells is sort of just standing around moping when a couple of those hooligans from Walden and Arcadia start making fun of him, which is when he morphs into Clint Eastwood in that Gran Torino movie:

Wells's chest tightened, but he forced himself to stay calm. He could take one or two of the little punks without breaking a sweat.

"Get the fuck off my lawn before I turn into a heavyhanded Christ allegory!"

He'd been the undisputed champion of the hand-to-hand combat course during officer training. But there was only one of him and ninety-five of them--ninety-six if you counted Clarke, who was arguably less of a Wells fan than anyone on the planet at the moment.

"Less of a Wells fan" is kind of a light-hearted way to say "I got her parents killed" but okay, sure, whatever. So Wells was in "officer training," which I assume is different from the guard cadet program. Since Chancellor Jaha was apparently a "soldier" at some point, I assume it's the same thing Wells was going to do, which still freaks me the fuck out because oh my God, why do they even need soldiers, who the fuck are they fighting?? Yes. Yes this society is very healthy.

Then there's a mention of Glass, finally, because she and Wells are supposed to be best friends, so good job remembering that she exists.

As they'd loaded onto the dropship, he'd been dismayed not to see Glass there. To the shock of everyone on Phoenix, Glass had been Confined not long after Clarke, though no matter how many times he pressed his father, Wells had never discovered what she'd done. He wished he knew why she hadn't been selected for the mission.

OH MY GOD, seriously?? She was literally on the same ship as you at the same time and then she fucking escaped in this big dramatic scene, the guards were yelling after her and everything, are you seriously telling me nobody noticed? I mean I know you were distracted with your dad's possible death at the time but come on, everybody in this book is on pot, apparently, they never notice anything until somebody smacks them in the face with it.

So there's some talk about how they don't have a lot of food, because the Ark only sent them down with about a month's worth of nutrition packets and the kids are already hoarding them, and then more talk about where they're gonna sleep. And since Wells is an angel of logic, he's like, "well, we have tents," and "we should set up near water because, you know, we need it and all," and the Walden and Arcadia kids are like "GO FUCK YOURSELF, RICH BOY," because they're just a tad emotional at the moment.

Then Murphy shows up. I mean Graham. Sorry.

Aside from Wells and Clarke, he was the only other person from Phoenix, yet Graham appeared to know most of the Waldenites and Arcadians by name, and they all treated him with a surprising amount of respect.

Uh, maybe because he bothers to remember their names? Something you haven't made even the tiniest effort to do so far, Wells. But whatever, they're just punks. Who gives a shit, anyway.

Wells didn't want to imagine what he'd had to do to earn it.

Okay, so Wells is a giant snob. I'm gonna tell you right now: this doesn't change. It's a flaw that I really like, actually, because it makes sense, considering who his father is, but it doesn't make him any less of a prick when he insinuates that everyone from Walden and Arcadia is a violent no-good thug with the mentality of a pack of wild dogs.

So yeah, Graham is a prick, Wells is a prick, everyone's a prick, and the conversation they have is annoying on so many levels.

"I wasn't trying to lecture anyone. I'm just trying to keep us alive." 

Graham raised an eyebrow. "That's interesting, considering that your father keeps sentencing our friends to death. But don't worry, I know you're on our side." He grinned at Wells. "Isn't that right?" 

Wells glanced at him warily, then gave a curt nod. "Of course." 

"So," Graham went on, his friendly tone at odds with the hostile glint in his eyes, "what was your infraction?" 

"That's not a very polite question, is it?" Wells tried for what he hoped was a cryptic smile. 

"I'm so sorry," Graham's face took on an expression of mock horror. "You have to forgive me. You see, when you've spent the last 847 days of your life locked in the bottom of the ship, you tend to forget what's considered polite conversation on Phoenix." 

"847 days?" Wells repeated. "I guess we can assume you weren't Confined for miscounting the herbs you probably stole from the storehouse."

OKAY. So remember when I complimented Wells on his political savviness in chapter two? Yeah, I take it back, because he's being super dumb now. He clearly knows that Graham is well-respected among the 100, that he's charming, and by the way? There's a bunch of people standing around watching them talk right now, so this conversation is incredibly public. He also knows, or he should know, that as the son of the Chancellor who is directly responsible for these kids' current predicament, as well as their shitty, horrible lives leading up to this predicament, that there's heavy resentment, on top of the normal baseline of resentment that exists between Phoenix and the other, poorer stations. So what does he do? Plays right into Graham's hands. Because he's dumb.

What should you have done, Wells? "Well, Meagan, I probably should have just answered his question honestly, and played it up as much as possible to get them to feel sympathy for me, and to realize that I'm one of them now." Yes, good job! What else? "Well, casually accusing him of stealing and thus reinforcing everyone's worst expectations about Phoenix snobbery was probably pretty stupid." Yes. Yes it was. Live and learn, Wells. 

So, because Graham is smarter than literally everyone else in this book, he seizes this prime opportunity and tells everyone he was convicted of murder, simultaneously gaining both respect and fear, and then drives the nail home about how Wells is an outsider and the Chancellor's son, and taunts him about how he totally knows what Wells' crime was, but he's not gonna tell because he won't give Wells the satisfaction, and by the way why the fuck is your dad killing all our friends?

Graham was still smiling, but his tone had grown low and dangerous. "And why now? What made your father decide to send us down all of a sudden?" 

His father. All day, absorbed in the newness of being on Earth. Wells had almost been able to convince himself that the scene on the launch deck--the sharp sound of the gun shot, the blood blooming like a dark flower on his father's chest--had been a terrifying dream. 

"Of course he's not going to tell us," Graham scoffed. "Are you, soldier?" he added with a mock salute.

That sound you hear is any hope of ever getting these kids' respect flying away at Mach 5, Wells. Hope you said goodbye!

So, of course he doesn't tell them, but he does think about how he totally knows what's up, why kids are getting executed and they sent the 100 down so hastily, because it's all his fault, apparently, although we won't find out why until the emotional climax blah blah blah. Then a sad twelve-year-old asks pitifully when he'll get to go home, and Wells thinks about how the parents of most of these kids don't even know about this mission and still think their children are in Confinement, and wow, holy fuck Wells, if this is your fault then yeah, I agree with you, you are a horrible person because that is really, really messed up. 

"We are home," Wells said, forcing as much sincerity as he could into the words. 

If he said it enough times, perhaps he'd start to believe it himself.

Yeah, I'm sure the traumatized twelve-year-old who just wants his mom finds a lot of comfort in that, Wells. Good job.

So yeah, after that, then we're in a flashback, because lol who needs transitions, and it's one of Clarke and Wells' dates. Because...I don't know why. He's thinking about Clarke constantly, so why not.

Some interesting stuff here: it's a concert in "Eden Hall" (where the Eden Tree is) and it talks about how they only bring out real musical instruments once a year, and the rest of the time they're kept in airtight protective cases, like the books. Wells is still grieving for his mother, and everyone keeps looking at him because Phoenix is like high school, only much worse because you're in space and there's nowhere to run away to after graduation. 

It was crowded as usual, with most of Phoenix buzzing around excitedly. Many of the women were eager to debut new dresses, an expensive and potentially maddening feat depending on what sort of textile scraps you found at the Exchange. He took a few steps forward, sending a ripple of whispers and knowing glances through the crowd.

Okay, so I think I forgot to explain this, but the Exchange is some kind of market where you can go and buy scraps of shit to make new shit, and recycle-fashion is all the rage. From just this short description, even without the stuff that you read later on in some of Glass' chapters, Phoenix sounds just...incredibly horrifying in so many ways.

Another thing: so the kids from Walden and Arcadia have no idea what Wells' crime is, but it's common knowledge on Phoenix, to the point where it's implied in chapter two that Jaha had to do some PR damage control, and Graham was able to find out relatively quickly. And this description of Phoenix as an intense fishbowl is even creepier when you start to put the dots together and realize that literally no information travels between the stations whatsoever. They have different accents. Do you know how isolated a community has to be, for how long, for accents to emerge? The Colony isn't that big, okay, Glass is described running from one station to the other relatively quickly, and yet there seems to be hardly any interaction between Phoenix and the rest of the population whatsoever. This is like some Hunger Games shit, you guys. Phoenix is the capitol, and Walden and Arcadia are everyone else in their gray drab uniforms, and nobody knows shit about each other because this is a fucking dystopia and the Gaia Doctrine is clearly a textbook called How To Oppress People: A Step By Step Guide.

So yeah, that's messed up. But let's get back to Clarke and Wells' date, because lmao who cares about that when we could be falling in love???

He'd never grown immune to the comet tail of double takes and curious glances he dragged behind him, but tonight it felt unbearable. 

He turned and started walking toward the door, but froze as a hand grabbed his arm. He spun around and saw Clarke giving him a quizzical look. "Where are you running off to?" 

Wells smiled grimly. "Turns out I'm not in the mood for music." 

Clarke looked at him for a moment, then slipped her hand into his. "Stay. As a favor to me." She led him toward two empty seats in the back row. "I need you to tell me what we're listening to."

You know, I still really like these two crazy kids together, in spite of myself. Clarke's calm will, and Wells' reluctant bowing to it, is sort of beautiful in its own way. Also "comet tail of double takes and curious glances" is a really, really good sentence.

The rest of the flashback is boring though, they listen to the music and say sappy shit to each other about how it "sounds like a sunset" and that's what their first date on Earth is gonna be, whatever. Then it's back to the present where Wells is set on being as stupid and self-righteous as possible.

"I know this all seems strange and intimidating and, yes, unfair, but we're here for a reason," he told the crowd. "If we survive, everyone survives." 

Nearly a hundred heads turned to him, and for a moment, he thought perhaps his words had chipped away at the layers of calcified defiance and ignorance. 

As good as the phrase "calcified defiance and ignorance" is, that's really fucking offensive, dude. They have calcified defiance because the government has abused and oppressed them their entire lives. They're ignorant because the government doesn't tell them things. Like, go take that snobbery and shove it up your ass, Wells.

But then a new voice crashed into the silence. 

"Careful there, Jaha." 

Wells twisted around and saw a tall kid in a bloodstained guard uniform. The boy who'd forced his way onto the dropship--who'd held Wells's father hostage. "Earth is still in recovery mode. We don't know how much bullshit it can handle."

Thank you God, for Bellamy Blake. 

bellamy pentecost blake, am i right??

So, again, you'd think the smart thing to do would be to follow the crowd, right? Because positioning yourself against the popular opinion would be, idk, not smart?

Well - nah. Why do that when you can dig yourself deeper? That's the Wells Jaha way.

Another wave of snickers and snorts rippled around the fire, and Wells felt a rush of sudden, sharp anger. Because of this kid, his father--the person responsible for protecting the entire human race--had been shot, and he had the nerve to stand there and accuse Wells of bullshit?

Wow, okay, somebody's been drinking a little too much Kool-Aid, I think.

So Bellamy our Lord and Savior's all like, "just be real dude, you want us to do what you say or you'll rat on us to the Council" and Wells is like "haha, what, nooOOOOooOOOo," and everyone's like "well yeah dude, it's kind of suspicious, and you're not doing all that much to convince us you're not still on your dad's side," and Wells is like "WELL BELLAMY SHOT HIM, HE'S A CRIMINAL, ISN'T HE A CRIMINAL? EXPLAIN YOURSELF, CRIMINAL!" and then I had to put the book down for a minute because I was rolling my eyes so hard I gave myself a headache. 

The boy's eyes narrowed. "I did what I had to do to protect my sister." 

"Your sister?" Wells repeated. People broke the population laws more often on Walden than on Phoenix. But Wells had never heard of anyone having a sibling, not since the Cataclysm.

Two things real quick: Bellamy is the oldest person in the hundred right now. He's identified in chapter three as being age twenty, and since everyone else was a delinquent assigned to the Earth mission, that means they're all under eighteen. Yet Glass and Wells frequently refer to him as a "boy," which means either: Bellamy looks super super young for his age, or Kass Morgan has no fuckin' clue how teenagers think and is apparently under the impression that they'd use the same terms to describe their peers as a middle-aged white guy from Alabama yelling at his son from the bleachers at a high school football game. Also: Wells should have no idea at this point where Bellamy is from. Yet he identifies him as being from Walden, specifically, because...the editor never caught that. 

"That's right." The boy crossed his arms and met Wells's eyes with a challenging stare. "Now I'm going to ask you one more time, what are you really doing here?" 

Wells took a step forward. He didn't owe anyone an explanation, let alone this criminal, who was probably lying about having a sister and who knew what else. But then a flash of movement caught his eye. Clarke was heading toward the fire from the other side of the clearing, where she'd been tending to the injured passengers. 

Wells turned back to the tall boy and sighed, his anger draining away. "I'm here for the same reason you are." His eyes darted toward Clarke, who was still out of earshot. "I got myself Confined to protect someone I care about."

The crowd fell silent. Wells turned his back on them and started walking, not caring if their eyes followed him as he made his way toward Clarke. 

Apparently in addition to not catching the slip up about Bellamy being from Walden, the editor also missed that Morgan has used the word "toward" three times in as many paragraphs. I guess they were having an off day.

Also I'm assuming that Bellamy was rolling his eyes as much as I was after Wells did this "sad sigh, knowledge bomb, dramatic exit" bullshit. Fun fact! It's only dramatic to you, Wells. Nobody else gives a single fuck about your problems, because - and here's another fun fact - they've got a shitton of problems of their own! Mostly directly caused by your father! You're a giant prick!

And...does anyone know what happened to Graham? I'm assuming he melted into the ground or something, as most characters do when they stop being relevant to the scene. Maybe they revert back to an inert, plastic-packaged state, like the toys in Toy Story whenever Andy is in the room.

So, okay, this entire goddamn mess of a scene is obviously the inspiration for a lot of the "leadership argument" scenes on the show, only at least those made sense. It's disappointing to me because she's got a lot of potential for storytelling gold here, but it's so clumsily done that it's just frustrating and weird. The dialogue feels rather patched together, actually, and there's a few spots where they make some weird jumps that people wouldn't normally make in natural conversation, where you can tell that Morgan went back in and added additional lines. Basically: it sucks. But don't worry, because Clarke and Wells are about to talk and suck some more!

"What are you doing here, Wells?" she asked, her voice strained and weary. 

She's in shock, Wells told himself, forcing his mind to wrap around the ill-fitting explanation.

No, she's not, she hates you because you got her parents killed. I feel like I'll be reminding you of that fact, like, a lot.

"I came for you," he said softly. 

Her face assumed an expression that broke through the barriers, a mixture of sorrow, frustration and pity that seemed to travel from Clarke's eyes straight into his chest.

....what the actual fuck did i just read?? What even is that sentence??

"I wish you hadn't." She sighed and pushed past him, striding off without another glance.  

Her words knocked the air out of him, and for a moment, all Wells could think about was remembering how to breathe.

Okay, so...I was gonna quote some more because the description of the glorious wonderful sunset that makes everyone stop and stare is actually kind of cool but you know what, fuck that, the rest of this chapter was such a mess I don't even care. We end with Wells being sad and thinking about how he's watching his first sunset alone instead of with Clarke like they'd planned during some random jokey conversation they had once a million years ago, and you know what, if this is what love is like in Kass Morgan land, count me out, because none of this shit strikes me as even the least bit romantic.

You know what this sort of love is? Desperation. Wells met Clarke as his mother was dying, and latched onto her because life fucking sucks on the Colony and none of these people have anything to live for whatsoever, so they find reasons to keep going and care way too intensely about them as a way to distract themselves from their actual, shitty reality. Whether that's gossip and recycled dresses, or your ex-boyfriend drama, or a girlfriend whom you prioritize above everything else to the point of actual obsession, or your increasingly shaky hold on your principles as the machinations of the government you represent becomes crueler and crueler with each passing day, you do what you have to do to keep yourself waking up every morning, right? Just get through each day. Survive, because what else is there to do?

Oh my God, this book is horrifying. I need a fucking drink.